Are you a Settler or a Reacher?

There’s nothing like a 16-hour car ride with friends (two of whom are therapists) to help you explore the mysteries of the Universe. Sure, we laugh, sing along to our favorite songs and eat our weight in convenience store snacks. But, we also go deep.

We gladly jump down every rabbit hole that comes up in conversation because, even after all of the hours we’ve logged on the road together, we’re still curious to know more about each other.

The car ride is definitely one of my favorite parts of my annual trek to Big Bend with my friends.

One of my traveling buddies has a knack for coming up with clever question-asking games like “what would you do with a million dollars?”Or,”if you had to choose between losing your sight or losing your hearing, which would you choose?” (I’m only sharing the the G-rated questions, of course).

One question she asked on our latest trip really stood out to me: “Are you a Reacher or a Settler?”

Oh boy. This one struck a chord.

I feel pretty darn confident that I am living in Reacher mode more than ever these days, but that hasn’t always been the case. I spent the majority of my young adult life as a Settler. And what I mean by “settling” is that I was not following my intuition. I wasn’t speaking my truth. I wasn’t listening to the whispers of my heart.

Here’s what settling looked like for me:

  • Unhealthy romantic relationships that went on for far too long
  • A job that sucked the spirit out of my bones
  • Saying “yes” when I really meant “no”
  • Friendships that weren’t healthy and empowering
  • Anxiety

If you are settling for less than your intuition and heart are telling you that you need, you’re going to feel icky. It’s just a fact.

You’re going to wonder when, or if, it’s ever going to get better. Maybe you’ll become a great bargainer- trying to convince yourself that you can just grin and bear it. But, in my experience, there is no escaping the ickiness that accompanies living a life that is not aligned with your truth.

So, I’m going to cut to the point and insert a shameless plug:Life Coaching pushes you to be a Reacher. It does that by helping you get out from under all of the self-doubt and limiting beliefs you have about yourself and your life.

My coach kicks my you-know-what (in the best of ways) and reminds me that I am not a Settler. She reminds me that I am a Reacher with a capital “R” and that I already have everything I need to create a life that I freakin’ love. I have her in my life because, even though I feel more empowered than ever, I still need that loving kick in the pants and unconditional support.

I believe in coaching. It has worked for me and I’ve seen it work for my clients. I’ve seen them decide to stop settling and start reaching. I’ve witnessed them speaking their truth and embracing their unique gifts. It’s pretty darn awesome and I want to help you be a Reacher, too.

I currently have space for 4 new clients (aka Reachers) in my schedule. If you are interested, email me ASAP at coachingwithamanda@gmail.com and we can schedule a free 20-minute consultation to discuss how coaching might benefit you.

P.S. Even if you don’t think I am the right coach for you, I do hope that you’ll consider hiring a coach if you are feeling like a Settler and want to be a Reacher. You deserve it.

Amanda is a trained Life Coach and holds a Master’s Degree in Counseling. As a recovering risk-avoiding scaredy-cat, she is passionate about empowering her clients to live and love boldly. Amanda shares her inspiration through personal coaching, corporate training, workshops and international retreats. She particularly loves working in the areas of dating/relationships, career growth, and overall self-confidence.  Learn more about Amanda at lifecoachamanda.com

Do You Have a Hamster Wheel Inside Your Head?

The truth is, I can be anxious. Yep, I’ve been known to sweat the small stuff. To worry. To chew on a “problem” like a dog on a bone.

Can you relate?

For those of you who share my hamster wheel-like brain affliction, I’m sorry. It can be a bit exhausting, can’t it? Sure, it can serve us well at times- helping us to be creative, motivated and engaged. But, it can also tend to focus on things we can’t control which, as you probably already know, is crazy-making.

The desire to quiet the hamster wheel inside my head is what lead me to finally give this whole meditation thing a try. As you may have read in a previous post, I signed up for an 8-week meditation class at Peacebox so that I’d have some accountability and structure around my efforts (because, as it turns out, “meditating” whilst lying prone in my bed at 10:30 p.m. just puts me to sleep. Shocker!).

I’m three weeks into my meditation class and I am happy to report that I have found my place of Zen and feel as though I know the secrets of the Universe. Kidding! Meditation is actually one of the most awkward, difficult things that I’ve ever tried. But, dare I say, something is shifting a bit…

One of the side effects of having a hamster-wheel kind of brain (or, as my meditation teacher calls it “monkey mind”) is that you feel as though you must be in doing mode all of the time. Action, talking, movement, reacting…doers love these things. And, honestly, not doing can make us really uncomfortable. So, as you can imagine, sitting quietly and “doing nothing” for even 10 minutes kind of freaks me out.

So, in the course of three weeks I have maybe meditated a total of 30 minutes at home on my own. I need to be doing things for goodness sakes! There is no time to just sit still! Yup, if this were a graded class I’d be far from passing. But, that’s the thing, the practice of meditation is intended to be the antithesis of judgment, expectation and “grading” of ourselves.

When I go to class each week and talk about how I “should have” meditated more during the week and start verbally flogging myself for resisting the practice, my teacher gently reminds me there will be no judgment from her, even if I never meditate one minute outside of class. So I guess the only person judging me is…me.

I certainly don’t have this meditation thing all figured out. My foot still falls asleep when I try to sit cross-legged on the cushion and my mind races thinking about all of the to-do’s sitting there waiting for me in my calendar. But, the practice of meditation is telling me that I can choose not to judge myself harshly for this, or anything else in my life for that matter.

And guess what happens when you stop choosing the option of judging the hell out of yourself? Yep. You tend to stop judging situations, “problems” and others so harshly, too. I’d say that’s a pretty important shift.

Whether or not you ever sit on a cushion to meditate, I do hope you’ll think about releasing the judgment that you direct at yourself. Slow that hamster wheel brain down by releasing the pressure and expectations you are heaping onto beautifully imperfect you.

I think it’s a really good start (and we’ll figure out the secrets to the Universe next week).

Namaste,

Amanda

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